The title character of this story is a nurse on my floor. She works straight evenings, I work straight midnights, so naturally I oftentimes follow her (especially due to the plethora of 7p-7a/7a-7p'rs). I'm all for continuity of care, but I do NOT enjoy following this woman.
First of all, she watches me like a hawk as I prepare my report sheets. Perhaps she thinks I'm going to drop one of my nice pens or something. Who knows. All I know is that it disturbs me, mostly because the first words out of her mouth during report are "I didn't get to..." It never fails. No matter what the patient load, no matter what the acuity, she "didn't get to..." many things.
I'm not stupid. I know evenings are busy. I worked straight evenings myself for the better part of a year. I also know the things she is referring to, when combined, take less than five minutes. Which is, interestingly enough, the amount of time it takes for me to prepare my report sheets. Menial shit like emptying foleys and hanging up IV bags. Disconnecting patients from antibiotics. Checking to see if bed exit alarms are engaged.
Yet she has time to write long, weird progress notes. You won't find a note about a patient's fever, or a note about new onset slurred speech. No, you'll find a note about how the patient didn't want to eat his fucking dinner because dietary screwed up his order. That's not something for a damn progress note. Page dietary for a different tray. Lord knows they have plenty. Oh yeah, and she adds that the patient appears depressed because he didn't want to eat what he didn't order in the first place. No, slow one, he's not wanting to eat that. And if he's depressed, it's because you're his nurse.
My favorite thing last night, though, was "the doctor ordered 10mg and the pills are 20mg. That means you have to halve them." No shit! Really? I was going to have the patient bite the pill in half. Or maybe have her take one and then skip the next dose to even out the miligrams.
Speaking of that patient, apparently she "needs an HIV test." No, not because she has engaged in risky behavior, or because the physicians have ordered one or are thinking about it. Because Nurse Lazy McDumbass says so. I can't believe in this day and age that anyone, much less health care professionals, believe that there is a face of AIDS. Just because a patient has dental caries and a history of oral herpes...well, that just means the patient has poor oral hygeine and may or may not have a sexually transimitted virus.
I'm excited to experience round two of (ugh) perhaps five tonight.
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